Sure the Jews have Chanuka this time of year, but how can that compete with Santa Claus? Little boys and girls of mixed marraiges naturally would gladly toss the dradle in the trash just for a taste of figgy pudding and a chance at a new Schwinn under the tree. Mennorah or fake snow on big blow up baby Jesus' forehead, out in the front yard bouncy manger? No contest. Silent night or The draddle song? Hot chocolate. Carolers. Malls. Shopping. Ca-ching. Chinese food and a movie or glazed ham and lobster bisque? Nothing against my Semetic brethren, but what do they know about stealing xmas trees from state parks? Raised as a covered dish Presbyterian, and now a free agent, I feel a certain duty to take care of my Jewish friends this time of year.
So it is that Slick and I are going to have Xmas together. I usually go to the folks but now that all the neices and nephews are grown (and no fun), and after the dog shitting on the rug incident, I've decided to stay home. Shewho's with her daughter and everyone else I know has plans. So that leaves Slick and I to bring in the holiday together. We'll hang our socks (and his yamulka) on the stove pipe, turn on the home shoppping channel, pour a couple of eggnogs (with a stick in it)and try to sight in the muzzle loader. The neighborhood camels will watch as we bounce in the manger and toss our sweet lord back and forth. Once sufficiently toasted, the elves (cats) will help make a big dinner of venison, swine and various shellfish. More booze and the traditional smoking of the "evergreen" will follow.
I'm looking forward to spending the day with someone of an other faith and culture. I want to share my traditions with him and learn from his strange customs, such as wrapping pennies and ordering things online. I think this could become a holiday tradition. This is the time of year to educate all those infidels of the glory and majesty of an inflatable virgin Mary snuggled up to a chainsaw carved black bear, bringing in Xmas as one. Peace on Earth and goodwill to all.
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