HOMO FOR THE HOLIDAYS

Look, I'm already a slim bachelor who lives alone with three cats. How much of a stretch can it be to go over to the dark side for the holiday season? I wanted the Obama inaugeral gig. I heard I was on the short list. But instead he's going with some homophobic Evangelical cracker. So as a member of the clergy who caters to gay weddings and funerals I'm going homo for the holidays.
The first thing I did was decorate. I put up twinkly lights around my dead buck and attached two shiny red xmas balls to his crotch. My new couch, straight from "Nana's" house (complete with 70's pillows) made my place look even more gay. Now we're getting somewhere. Then the phone rang. It was GNJohn. He told me about his past week. It has way more holiday spirit than mine. MERRY XMO.

Al Blanchard, GNJohn and I spent last winter building GNJ's new house. A year later he has a great house and is broke. Remember this as we go forward. Last week he spent his last $1000 on a new gold front tooth. He came home and showed it off. It was shiny. A couple of days later another tooth started hurting. He lived with it until he couldn't sleep from the pain. But before he drove to his city dentist he went to get his oil changed. The mechanic noticed his front tires were bald. $200 later he headed to Manhattan. Half way down the thruway he started to shake uncontrollably. His gums were turning black. The dentist took one look at him and made an appt. with the surgeon for the morning. GNJphn had brought his dog Girl. Girl doesn't "get" NYC so it took a 2 hour walk for her to take a shit. GNJohn was dying.
The next morning he had to move the car. He did- but close to a hydrant. The surgeon removed the tooth with much bone splintering and pressure, but no pain. The Doc was good. GNjohn drove back up on the mountain with a pocket full of vics., but not until getting a $115 ticket for that hydrant. After he got through telling me this, we got to talking about his father's mini-strokes and the aunt's skin disease. Not to be confused with the sister in law's flesh eating virus.
I ran out of gas tonight. But I had an extra tank. I'm sorry that's all I got. I can't compete with GNJohn for his holiday tale of pain and suffering. Oh yeah, the windshield wipers on the truck stopped working. I think it's the fuse. Am I getting anywhere? I guess no matter how much I gussy up the place and sit around watching John and Kate plus 8, I'll never really be gay. I takes a certain comittment that I just don't have. GNJohn showed the hole in his mouth off to post office girl Emily. He bragged that he was now a local. Emily sized him up. "You're just a poser." she said. "A local loses that tooth in a fight." That's my kind of committment. That's not to say that homo for the holidays can't compete with Gay for a Day in the straight community. Instead of watching Obama pray with the Rev. Homohater, take a homo to lunch. Spread the love.