MOTHER OF INVENTION

As the sun peeks over the horizon in the east, I toss another log on the fire, light the pilot light on my ancient PC and in patriotic fashion, I sit down to write my blog. It's zero in the Catskills and maybe 30 degrees warmer in DC. NPR is positively giddy, gushing over the swearing in of the 44th President. If I hear one more commentator ask another Black person "Did you think you'd ever see this in your lifetime?" I'm gonna puke. I thought we'd be flying around Future Town in our personal jetpacks by now. I figured time travel and orgasmatrons would be common place and they would have perfected the candy cane tree, gay bomb (it makes you gay with one wiff) and whiskey spring by now. Did I think an Afro-American would be president? Sure, why not? Christ, wasn't Kennedy Irish? My only surprise was it took so long.
Instead of gathering on the mall, I've decided to do my bit by going to work, after I stoke the woodstove, warm up my '86 Ford pick up and wrap my feet in plastic bags to keep from freezing. So much for Future Town. And all the time I'm thinking. I'm thinking about how to make this country a better place...and make a buck in the process. Just like my brother in law Sojka, I have a knack for coming up with things that beg for an infomercial. The micro-wave water heater, the Vac-Sac and the cell phone toilet are a few of my favorites. Because of today's impending disaster concerning cell signals and port-a-johns on the mall, let's concentrate on the later item.
What do people HAVE to do every day? They have to vacate their systems and keep in touch with everyone they know by cell phone. Why not combine the two? With a few minor adjustments, some super-sizing and the addition of my soon to be patented green chemical/electro-micobe system any cell phone can become a crapper. Flip. Then flip again. Stretch. Press #2. Squat and let 'er rip. I have three old cell phones that I've combined as a prototype. There's still a few bugs to be ironed out, but I'm confident. Sometimes I take a picture instead of flushing. Sorry if I've accidently speed dialed any of you during my test runs. Today is a day which will go down in history. In Obama's honor lets all try to come up with something that will make our live's better. That's the spirit of America. SHAM-WOW, BABY!