PARIS GONE

He/she turned up missing more than a month ago. At first I thought it was just the cold snap that had sent Paris into the neighbor's barn for some mice and warm straw. Sometimes the cats would disappear for a week or two, then show up like nothing had happened. I worried at first. Then I got used to their cat like ways and learned not to worry. Look, no one is more surprised than I that I haved turned into a "cat person". I see myself still as a dog man, with a little chick magnet puppy that grows into a big lovable mutt. But that's my fantasy. It's like owning a restaurant. Owning a dog, like running a restaurant, is way too much work. Cats are low maintenence. AND they don't come in the house.
But now, with Paris gone, Ray Gilkey and Nicole are starting to act up. It's little things, mostly, meowing too much and sneaking onto the porch behind my back. This I understand and put up with. But they do another thing that is really infuriating. Out of the blue, they go off their food. I used to feed them DAD'S catfood. Then one day, just after I bought a 20 lb. bag of the stuff, they refused to eat it. I waited a few days, but no go. They wouldn't touch it. So now I was shooting in the dark as to cat food choice. I had no idea what to buy them. I closed my eyes and pointed. A yellow bag of ALLEYCAT called to me. I bought a 5 lb. bag. No sense going big yet. The woofed it down. Then, yesterday, after months of buying ALLEYCAT.....same thing. They refused to eat it! I'd just bought a fresh 20 pounder. FUCKERS ARE FUCKING WITH ME.
This morning Nicole just sat there pointing her squinty eye at me and and rolling on her back. Ray meowed and knocked the dish around. Are they in mourning for Paris? Or, more likely, they just want to twist me up. I'm wise to their games. I refuse to throw out another 20 lb. bag of cat food. Maybe I should get a dog. That would teach 'em. For now it's a waiting game. Let's see who gets hungry enough...... damn I miss Paris.